Showing posts with label bmw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bmw. Show all posts

Monday, March 9, 2009

The Way They Think



A few years ago I've started working at a new place. Several days later, a guy (that I knew by then was driving E30 M3) approached me, and the following conversation followed:

- [him] I saw your car.
- [me] And?
- I looked inside.
- And?
- You drive a stick.
- And?
- Otherwise I would've had to stop talking to you.

Monday, February 2, 2009

How To Know If Your Car Is A Classic Or A Junker



More here. While the distribution is quite different (Latvia???), notable is a complete absence of both in Africa (except South Africa) and Middle Asia - but that's rather a sign of absence of Internet rather than absence of these cars there.

By the way, for skeptics that would say that the trends actually reflect the need for repair - nope, they don't, the repair trend is different. Which, by the way, gives me an idea - I'll be looking at this trend to decide whether it is time to dump the junker, or it will live a bit longer.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Open Letter To BMW Dealerships

To whom it may concern:

I just called the <witheld to protect the guilty> dealership to verify what part numbers I need for a specific repair, and was told "We do not give out part numbers, only prices".

I was understandably shaken, because, you know, BMW is a pretty complicated car, and it is kind of difficult to make sure that you are not spending hundreds, and even more often, thousands of dollars just to piss off the seller even more when it turns out that the part you've bought doesn't fit, because it is not the part you actually needed, or the car the part is for is not the car you have (and I don't have to explain to you how many different sub-revisions BMW has).

When I got over the shock, I said, "Why?" and got the answer "Because people call us just to find out part numbers, waste our time and then go buy the same parts on Internet".

Well...

Tough shit.

You were not shy to leverage your unique position of the seller of "The Ultimate Driving Machine" when you were selling the car to us.

You were not shy to gouge us by upselling expensive options that you knew would be wrong or deadly (rear side airbags in a sedan to the family with two kids about five years of age - you knew they will come disabled, with a big red sticker, right?)

You were not shy to repeatedly screw us over by providing substandard service (any BMW owner knows the difference between "BMW quality" and "BMW service quality").

While doing that, you were not shy to charge exorbitant prices for parts and service.

And now you are complaining?

Well, tell you what - you keep doing that, and I will sell my BMW to anyone stupid enough to buy it, given all the above, never buy a BMW again, and switch to a brand that is customer friendly. I've had just about enough of your attitude.

Oh, and I have a suggestion for you - you are in a best position to compete with independent parts retailers because you have direct access to *the* original equipment manufacturer, and you already have distribution channels set up. Why don't you actually start leveraging your competitive advantage instead of screwing us over?

And then, maybe, just maybe, the artificially inflated price becomes appealing enough that somebody will part with their hard earned money and buys the product you're selling, and you, yes, you don't lose your job.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Things We Do For Love: E39 Water Pump Replacement

BMW part # 11 51 0 393 336: this *WILL* happen to you

Water pumps on V8 E39 die. They die repeatedly and predictably. Whether the impeller is plastic (then it disintegrates and contaminates the whole cooling system with debris - but most of these are already dead), or metal (then you're subject to bearing seal leakage).

Mine did too, at 62k miles.

Having learned the lesson the hard way, I've decided, with the help of my friends, to replace it myself.

Learned quite a few things.

If you're thinking whether you need to replace the water pump or not, you're a fool. I was a fool. It will fail. I've heard an opinion once that BMWs must be maintained right on schedule, not a second later, or they fail catastrophically. Respect this rule.

You can't identify the leak source without performing a leak test. Even if it looks obvious, the leak may not be where you think it is. Learning this experience cost me the price of parts 11537505229 and 13621433077 combined, at dealership price.

A simple contraption of a piece of soft rubber or plastic pipe, plus the ball adapter for a bicycle pump, is a decent substitute for the BMW special tool for performing a compression test.

You have to manufacture a special tool to get the fan assembly off. Instructions are here. Heed the part where it says it has to be steel - aluminium will not hold the torque necessary. It might, once, if you're lucky. But you're probably in a crunch to get it done, so don't do it unless you have a piece laying around. Oh, and anything thicker than 1/8" will not fit.

If you replace part 11537505229 (lower water hose), you must replace part 13621433077 (temperature sensor) as well. Old sensor put in a new hose will leak, even if it is one year old. It's all about O-rings - actually, one could just replace those, but I'll be damned if BMW sells me one, and I'll be twice damned if I dare to risk the cost and nuisance of getting another leak and getting inside the car again because I cheaped out on hoses. Wasn't that bad, actually - I found the leak before the belly pan was installed, so all it took was to drain the coolant from the radiator (not the engine), and replace the sensor reaching from underneath.

Your heater control assembly (vicinity of part 64118374994) will leak, too. It is possible, though, for it to leak when performing a leak test, but not normal operating conditions. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Draining the coolant is a wet and dirty job. Get yourself a pair of those chemical googles, sorry, goggles, and a decent drain pan, it'll splash a lot. Five gallons is good enough.

You have to drain the engine block to replace the water pump (unlike water hose replacement, when it is sufficient to drain just the radiator).

It is a very, very good time to inspect the belt drive system and replace the belts, pulleys and hydraulic tensioners.

Same for hoses - unless they've been replaced already, they're pretty much dead by the time you have to replace the water pump. No big deal, especially on later models with quick connect fittings.

Torque wrench is a must, there is a couple of places where the torque is quite nontrivial - for example, the bolts fastening the pulley on the water pump shaft are literally finger tight. Screw that up - and you'll need a new water pump (somewhere between $150 and $300, depending on urgency).

Getting the water pump out is possible without getting the secondary air pipe part 11721433344 out. Tricky, but possible.

Getting the water pump seal in place is a bitch. I don't know if it is possible to do alone, but having two people do it makes it easy enough.

All in all, it was fun :) Unlikely that I will have to face this issue again in next five years, but if I do, I'll do it again.

Why I prefer to fix my cars myself now

Some time ago, my radiator blew up. Back then, I was very busy slaving for the startup du jour, with zero time to spend. Obviously, I wanted this fixed, so I towed the car to the dealership, which shall remain nameless, to protect the guilty (but feel free to take your stab at one of two that exist around here). They replaced the radiator.

And put a dent in the door.

I was understandably upset and asked them to fix it. They did.

Quality Service, Take One

And broke the center console.

When I called them, they said "No problem, just get the car here". "Yeah, right", said I. "That'll be the fourth time I have to get the car to you to fix one problem, and how do I know what you break this time? No, you get your ass here and fix what you broke in my garage under my supervision".

They did. The rest was uneventful, but...

A month later the window regulator broke (Arizona heat destroyed a $0.03 part, the rest was the domino effect). Being first day on the new job with no spare money left, I had no option other than tackle it myself (thank God, there was some free time until initial procedures were being completed).

So I took the door panel off, and what was the first thing I saw there? Correct, broken pistons that hold the door panel to the door. Four out of nine.

Couple of years before there was a clicking noise in the window that was "repaired" under warranty, and the door started rattling. I told this to the dealership, and the response was "Oh, they all do that with age".

Age my ass.

The most offensive part was that pistons are literally a dime a dozen, and I'm sure there are buckets of them available at the dealership, but no, whoever broke the pistons didn't take their sweet time to reach into the bucket and replace the pistons. I was supposed to believe that they've performed the job to the best of their ability.

Oh, and I'm not even talking about the time when they've washed the car after an oil change, and killed xenon headlights - inflicting $1752 penalty on themselves.

Long story short, every time since then, when I reach inside the car, I see traces of inept and careless workers screwing things up - a cut and soldered wire here, a nick on a pipeline there.

I can do better than that. At least, I care.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

I Love My Car, But It Sucks Anyway

Oh, wait, it should be the other way: My car sucks, but I love it anyway...

But I digress.

It's one thing to read about coolant leaks in They All Do That section, and competely another to see the CHECK COOLANT LEVEL message two days after the coolant had been replenished, and find a pool of blue liquid under the car on a chilly November night far away from home.

I guess this is when having spent some money on Bentley Service Manual should start paying back.

Well, it sucks, but I love it anyway.

UPDATE: Failed water pump, part #11510393336. Leaking bearing is very easy to mistake for the leaking thermostat side connector of the lower hose (part #11537505229).

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

BMW 1 Series remind me...

...of a saying: "Helicopters can't fly. They're just so ugly, the Earth repels them".

Ugly they are (like all post-2001 BMWs, except, maybe, E92). It is difficult, though, to turn down the appeal of the powerplant previously available only in a grownup category.

Here's a comparison - E39 540i 2003 vs. E81 135i 2008:

Power: 290 bhp vs 300 bhp
Torque: 325 lb-ft vs 300 lb-ft
Weight: 3757 lb vs 3438 lb
Power to weight: 0.0771 vs 0.0926
Torque to weight: 0.0865 vs 0.0926

One interesting fact: specified weight of 135i is just 0.96 of the weight of 335i, and 0.87 of the weight of 550i for the same model year. It's not light, no matter how they try to convince you it is, it's just small.

For comparison, 135i has a weight that is 1.73 of Lotus Elise (totally different ballgame), and 1.21 of Acura RSX Type-S (arguably comparable level of fun, performance and luxury, but absolutely different demographics).

Likewise, I don't want to bother with calculating the prices, but something tells me that you might just get yourself a 3 series or 5 series for almost the same cost, percentage wise... Just don't get yourself blinded with the absolute difference - think "relative" and "cost efficiency".

Friday, September 12, 2008

R.I.P. E39 Brake Pads & Rotors

E39 Front Brakes

5 years, 6 months, 14 days, 60,731 miles, "check brake linings". Time for a new DIY endeavor.

At about forty thousand miles, I've complained to the dealership that the brakes don't feel right. After taking a look at them, the shop foreman (somehow, my car always ended up in his hands) looked at me and said - "Sir, new brake pads on this car are 10mm thick. They need to be replaced when they get down to 2mm. That usually happens at about twenty thousand miles. Yours are about 8mm thick, and you've been driving this car twice as long. Do you brake at all?" "Of course not", - I responded. - "Who needs brakes when you can downshift?"